Report of 24 May 2010

Hello from Carmel public library -

Such a great place. Books, books, books, the Internet. I am hungry today as I type this, so cannot fully appreciate this place as my stomach is growling.

We are well, and back in town after some travels. Before we left, we had the pleasure of having lunch with Brenda and Jim Hillman. Jim was the manager of Medical Education at St. Vincent, and we have kept in touch since both of us went different ways. We try to see the Hillmans every time we are in town, as they are lovely people, and Brenda outdoes herself with the meal every time we meet. No different this time: after we had looked around their lovely garden (they are Master Gardeners), we ate. And ate and ate. We talked about all topics possible, the kids played with the dogs, and it was a memorable time.

We left town on Friday the 21st, and stopped by my Temple friend Angelique's place in Bernville, Pa. It has been over 20 years since I've seen the gracious and beautiful Ang, and what was to be a 30-minute visit ended up being 3 times that, involving the Weiss men easily in Angelique's inclusive conversation, and lots of catching up, which was lovely. We headed onto Scott's cousins' place - Jeff and Anne are warm, funny people and have 2 daughters, Claire and Helena. I usually live vicariously through Anne as I have no daughters. This stop was very therapeutic and laughter-filled, for all. We then saw Ann and Phil Bagley, parents of my friend Doug, but now friends of mine as well. They epitomise class and grace to me, and we had a nice time gabbing away. We saw Glenn Gross, my Temple friend, who has beaten cerebral palsy enough to get a Ph.D., and now works for HUD; we had pizza and some sinful pastries and could not stop talking or laughing. Glenn's sense of humor is legendary, and the boys could not help but laugh at some of the things he said. We missed Beth Gross, who had another family commitment; I have met Beth, and can attest to her goodness. We then went onto NJ, where a friend had organised a fundraiser for the Banyan; it was a family endeavor with her husband, her Mom, and her kids pitching in. It was a very nice evening, with a lot of her friends easily sharing their goodness with us. She is a beautiful (inside and out) young woman with very expressive eyes, I have only known her for about 2 years and yet we carry on as though we met 30 years ago - such is her heart. Which has, for long, wanted to give back, and so, she has chosen to give back to the Banyan. Lucky us. We were happy that Scott's friend, Craig, drove down from Baltimore to see us at this event; Craig is a dear sort, avowedly single ("I need to take your sons to Hooters" "No, you don't"), and we always have plenty to talk about, since his irreverence is a treat to be around. We spent the night at a friend's place, and I loved being around her dear mother, who fed us non-stop, packed some food for us (including some sumptious walnut halwa), and talked away about all things Indian and not. I am a big fan of parents of friends. We then got together with childhood friend Farshid, his wife Savita and kids Sasha and Keya. My parents have known Farshid since he was born, his parents have known me since I was about 4 or so, I call his father "Sasuro" (father-in-law), and there is a giant kinship with Farsh which the years or circumstances have not diminished (I am fortunate). Savita is a lovely addition to this family, and we have appreciated seeing them whenever circumstances allow. This stop, also, ended up being much longer than planned due to the unending chatter and laughter.

Work has been good, and the patients are trying to do as they are told. I walked into the exam room of a 17 year old patient the other day, and his mother and a baby in an infant seat were also present; the 17 yo very quickly told me, "He's not mine." I am happy the young man still remembers lessons from last year: Abstain, but if you must experience intimacy, use protection. His initial reaction to my entry, quickly disavowing parenthood, was extremely funny, and I laughed out loud.

Naren and Navin joined me in speaking at the fundraiser. They said poignant things about what they had seen at the Banyan, including the wide smiles on patients' faces. Unknown to me, Naren had promised Navin $10 if he could use the word "Woof" 10 times in the speech. So Navin said things like: "I am grateful to Vandana and Vaishnavi, woof ounded the Banyan, to my mother woof orced me to speak tonight," and so on. Naren started laughing in the middle of it, and leaned over to say something to Navin, which I found out later was "You are at 8 so far." Navin got all 10, got the $10, and the boys shared a camaraderie, which I found quite cute. The trip was by car and a friend asked if the boys don iPods as soon as we head out; I said No, they are forced to converse with us, or all vote on a radio station, etc. It was a nice trip, though cramped (even for my short legs), and I am glad all of us got to go. The bond with the 3 Weiss men is something I always feel blessed for, and the men know that they are the most important people in my world, and that I am okay with the fact that, currently, I may not be among the most important people in theirs.

My father is well, I spoke to him last week and the call was short as he had visitors in town for the 10th anniversary of the Smile Train. He stays active, which I am happy about.

Unw -

R

Report of 18 May 2010

Hello from Indiana -

A great many things got accomplished last week, including seeing an icon: the Dalai Lama was in Indianapolis at a paid event, and we went. I have long admired the man, and consider many of his qualities emulatable, if that's a word. Had we sat close enough (where the "Supporters and Friends" were), we might have understood more, especially as we are very comfortable with the accent from the Indian subcontinent. We were a bit far away, had to crane to hear, the sound system was not very good, and we got bits and pieces. Naren understood the most of all, but all still felt humbled to be in his presence. For a leader to be bundled out of his homeland by another country (what on earth does the other country want, other than contiguity - there is no oil, no gold, no nada in Tibet), and to not harbor any rancor or malice, to epitomise all that is peaceful and good - ahhh, what a difference, what an example.

There are certainly egos to be satisfied, and political accommodations to be made which I will not understand easily - many which prevent condemnation and a "Go back to your own seat" advice. It remains, however, my dream that Tibet will one day be Tibet, an independent nation and not a province of China. We had Tibetan refugees in Madurai, all very good-looking and selling woollens, and as schoolgirls, more than one or two of us strolled by their vending area - and that was not to buy woollens.

Work has also been great. I had an older patient with an exacerbation of his Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), and had given him some steroids for it. He returned feeling much better, and in the course of the visit, turned and muttered something to his younger wife (this couple generates some attention because he is older and she is a bit younger). She said to me, "He said that pill, the prednisone, made him feel better, and wants more." The patient had eaten well, was breathing better, had managed to plant 14 tomato plants and was in a good mood. In the course of the examination, I looked at the tattoos on his forearms, shared details of Scott's grandfather's tattoo, and we laughed. It was a fun time, and it was nice to see a previously very unhealthy-appearing man laugh.

We saw "Brooklyn's Finest," "Furry Vengeance" (the kids' choice) and "Robin Hood" (clearly my choice). I enjoyed Robin Hood, being a big Russell Crowe fan, and consider his pairing with Ridley Scott to be *quite* worthwhile. We got together with several friends to eat Indian food at my friend Carolyn's house, and that was nice of her to lend her place - and her parents, who came down just for the occasion (along with a vat of cookies, almost instantly devoured). Sid was sous-chef, Sonia brought bread, Carolyn made a salad, Maryam made Irani dip, Natalie brought cookies, my sister-in-law, Diane, brought brownies, Jacque and Cindy B brought flowers, Mary and Cindy S brought chocolate, plenty of folks brought their geniality and affection, and it was all good, filled with bonhomie and warmth - quite what my mother, in whose honor the meal was, would have loved.

The more I see my patients, the more I am grateful for my parents' upbringing - through all my umpteen mistakes (none of which they have revealed to the boys), they stayed supportive. I spoke to my Dad last week and he must have been feeling chatty, because he talked for a long time, and that was lovely. He terminated the call when it was time to take his walk, and I am happy that he is exercising.

Unw -

R

Report of 10 May 2010

Hello from Indianapolis:

It is 10 May 2010 and the heat is on inside the building. It is cold outside, and so, the heat has been turned on inside. We left 104 degree weather in Chennai.

A very beautiful sight emerged at O'Hare last Tuesday. Our older son, Naren, walked through the doors - quel relief. I had asked that he cut his hair and shave prior to travel, and neither had happened. He got pulled aside for, as he put it, a "random" security check in Frankfurt. He emerged unscathed, from that and from Immigration in Chicago, to our great relief. Naren said everything was so easy, he walked out expecting to be stopped by *someone.*

A belated Happy Mother's Day to all the moms! Trust all had a good day. As Mother's Day is not an Indian celebration, I did not dwell too much on my mother, except for missing her. My friend Sid sent me a nice note, hoping I was doing ok on Mother's Day. The 3 Weiss men gave me a pretty candle, a nice hand-made card and a spectacular poster made by them; it was a collage with words (many complimentary) cut out from media, describing me, and was absolutely wonderful. (I have outgrown candles, which none of the men has noticed :), but no matter because this poster more than made up for that.) Part of the phrases: "Values us" (I am glad they know this) and my favorite, "Her height rules." The best part of Mother's Day weekend, however, was the boys' response to a narrative by Scott's aunt detailing how she and her husband had been to a restaurant, had to wait, and none of the young people in the waiting area offered them seats; the boys looked at each other, and said, "If my mother had been there, heck, regardless of which continent she was on, she'd have come over to us, smacked us and made us get up." That was beautiful. I am happy they know my course of action.

Work has been good. I had a patient come in for a physical exam, and in the course of our conversation, I found out that she had gone back to school and had kicked a cocaine habit. I was extremely impressed with both achievements and said so; I like it when folks haul themselves out of poverty by educating themselves. And, I am unfailingly impressed when people manage to overcome an addiction. I gushed as much to the young lady, and we talked for a while. I had another patient who came in with a belly ache, and as I was sorting through my questioning to find out the cause of the ache, the patient said, "And I drink too much." Osler said it - "Listen to the patient. He will give you the diagnosis." The man went on to say he was on his second marriage, and that he had got divorced because, among other things, his then-wife had become too fat. Deep breath, Dr. Weiss. Count to 10, *count* - 1, 2, 3, 4 - "Well, Sir, don't you think your alcohol consumption might have played a part, too?" (The annual goal to keep the mouth shut fails regularly.) The man said it was a part, but that his romantic notions towards his wife had decreased. Hmmm. At my heaviest, I weighed 178 lbs when Naren was born, more than Scott, and I am a foot shorter than him. If my adoring husband had left me then, I think my life would have been pretty rocked.

Some fine interactions last week: Scott's cousin Debbie met us in Chicago and went with us to get Naren. It was good to see her. We spent 1 night with my sister-in-law, Diane, and her family, and then met the rest of the in-laws the following day for a huge family gathering and Game Day. The in-laws are rowdy people and unfailing good fun, so it made for a memorable day. My sister-in-law, Marybeth (Scott's brother Mark's wife), gave me a nice, extra warm hug as she has lost her mother, too, and we now have this common bond. We visited Scott's grandparents in their nursing home and Scott's grandfather kept everyone laughing with his tales of playing the horses on his last b'day and hating life at the nursing home. We spent the night with Scott's aunt and uncle at their farm, and cooked Mother's Day lunch for all the moms. Naren, Navin and their cousin, Oliver, helped with farm chores ad infinitum on Mother's Day and doing for someone else helped ease my sense of mild emptiness. We saw "Iron Man 2," which was very enjoyable; I was very tired during the flick and kept sighing heavily, prompting the son sitting next to me to announce later, "Ok, someone else sits next to Amma at the next movie." As we ate at a favorite restaurant after the movie (one of the boys' favorite sequences - watch a movie, go out to eat), I looked at the 3 Weiss men, talking, laughing and eating, and I agreed with Perseus in "Clash of the Titans" - "I have all I need, right here."

My Dad got through his cataract surgery well, I talked to him and to my sister-in-law, and all of us had lots of laughs. That was nice.

Have a good week.

Unw -

R

Report of 2 May '10

Hello from el Carmelo public librario -

What a place - books, computers, magazines, newspapers - all free.

The week was very long. I saw a good number of patients, and one day was so busy it ended before I knew it. I serve a fairly poor, underserved populace and love it. A memorable patient was the 15 year old boy with back pain: he'd swung a baseball bat in gym class and "something ripped." It was not a big effort to fit him into the schedule as I was not busy that day, and the mother was profusely grateful. Amazing how little things can make people happy, things we would just do in the course of a work day. After treating the boy's back pain with anti-inflammatories and prescribing some rest, I addressed his obesity: he was 5'8" and 250 lbs. We heard at the conference last week that about 70% of U.S. adults are overweight and a full 1/3 are obese; I do not know the statistics for children. We were also told the next generation's life span would be shorter than ours. Eeek. All due to overeating. There was also the theory that obesity might be due to a virus, and I found that extra arrogant. Unhealthy foods are inexpensive, and if one has grown up eating junk, one is inclined to think that's a normal diet, and propagate the cycle with one's own family. Scott still eats massive amounts of candy when he gets to the U.S. I think if the average patient were educated about eating, we might have some informed patients. Self-esteem is so based on appearance here that that might lead to some good choices.

I had a really enlightening experience at the gym the other day. I inadvertently sat on someone else's bike in spinning class, and the lady said loudly to her friends that I had taken her bike. It would have been equally effective to come over and tell me the error, but the public option was taken. As it turned out, the lady (very attractive and fit) and I had the same brand of water bottle, and I had placed mine on the bike next to hers and walked away to return later and climb on a bike that I thought had my water bottle on it, so this was a very surreal experience for me. It didn't matter a ton, since I have been to spinning class for 2 years, and I apologised and got down, then moving very far away from her, but the public announcement continued briefly. It struck me then that this must be what teenagers go through in most gym classes in intermediate and high school, that there is apparently (according to my spinning instructor) a certain persona who'd dominate the session and try to make someone else feel awkward. It helped considerably that I am 46, and could choose to move away; I am now exquisitely aware of what younger women go through. And understand what Scott and several American friends mean when they say they hated high school. This kind of stuff sure is new to me. Parents tell me there is a new trend to bullying in schools here, and I hope for the kids' sake that it peters out.

Scott is eternally grateful that the kids have gone through high school in India, with small classes, little bullying, a chance to celebrate differences rather than critique them, a grand appreciation of all. I, too, have paused to notice how Naren and Navin go out of the way to include kids who are shy, or chubby, or stutter, or otherwise don't fit in. One of my favorite memories is of our teenage Brazilian neighbors, Pedro and Felipe, being at a party at our house with a bunch of the boys' friends, and at least 1 son hanging with them the whole time. Pedro and Felipe spoke some English then, my sons spoke no Portugese, but a common ground was found with little effort. And all of us grew to love Pedro and Felipe dearly - piercings, tattoos and all.

I spoke to my father last week, and he was *delighted* to get my call. That was nice. We gabbed for a while about all matters, and he stated that my sister-in-law, Susan, and niece Sanjana would be in Madurai next week to help out while he had his cataract operation ("Susan rises to the occasion again," he said). I am struck by how fortunate I am in my in-laws. My Dad and I chuckled about other things, and finished the call in good moods on both sides of the planet. Scott, Navin and I spent part of the weekend with my in-laws here and that was the merry fest it always is; Scott is spending a couple of days there to bond, we always follow one of my bosses' suggestions that adult children must spend time periodically with their parents without spouse or kids in tow. We reached around lunch time, and promptly ate. And ate, and ate. We also talked and laughed, and enjoyed each other's viewpoints. These are folks with abundant senses of humor, always, always, making for a good time there, and I returned rejuvenated.

We also tried to see the 3-D "Clash of the Titans," but there was a power outage and the theater gave us some passes to compensate. Navin counted 13 people in the theater, unheard of in India, where movies are almost always house-full (sold out). I have talked every day to Naren, and my heart will continue to be in my mouth until that kid walks through the doors in Chicago.

Unw -

R