Report of 26 Nov

Hello from the B -

It's nice to have computers that work and Internet that I don't have to unplug my phone for.

I rejoined work last week. It has been nice, but my lack of registration is bugging the *&%$ out of me. And then focusing on the patients helped. There is a young woman at the B, Ms. M, who came to us from another facility due to her mental illness. I see from her history that she was married, apparently deserted by spouse and living with her sister. Issues came up w/ that arrangement, she was shifted to Rehoboth (said other facility caring for the destitute) and when the mental illness manifested itself, she came to us. She danced enthusiastically one day recently, I understand, and fell and broke her leg. Other stories have her scaling the wall and jumping, but that's for others to discuss the implications of. My area of concern is the broken leg, which is healing. Ms. M has most impish eyes that light up when she smiles, and she told me of Rehoboth, where the staff issued everyone their own soap and toothpaste and hair oil. "If anything finished, they told us to open our mouths and ask for fresh supplies," she said. She mentioned the personal-needs items with such relish and glee, smiling as she recalled the pleasure of receiving her own goodies, that "individual meanings of happiness" struck me. I inadvertently ended up staring at her face for a long time, loving the luminous eyes, marvelling of a life that got such joy from getting her own soap and such - especially given her past life. It was frightfully difficult to keep from weeping.

Tutoring petered out last week. Argh! And then one of the high-caste ladies of the complex told me how much she disapproved of this activity (bringing low-caste kids in), and timing it now, over 3 years after such issues were first hashed out, so I think there are serious activities underfoot - like surreptitiously telling Security not to let the kids in. Sheesh. So we have to investigate all of this - bloody nuisance. On the other hand, though, if we did not have such high-caste ladies placing obstacles, we might never appreciate those who support the cause and help us, might we.

The weekend was memorable. We had a reunion of several former high-school classmates and schoolmates in Bangalore. 3 came from overseas. Ours was a small school (15 in my class) and it was great fun to get together w/ others, 30 years after we passed out (graduated). Our neighbor had warned me to expect that the men would be fat and bald, but none of them was. The women were indeed more recognisable, however. Our host (whose home the event was in) had put together a slide show of old and recent photos and it was slow progress through that - w/ folks exclaiming and laughing aplenty; recalling the boys having to leave during a mysterious session just for the girls (Sex Ed); of locking teachers in the staff room; of attempting to jam lifts w/ teachers in it; of crushes and noble behavior and ridiculous uniforms and hair and glasses. It was a riotous day, made more fun by classmates deliberately wrongly introducing the already-present guests to the folks that strolled in later. It was nice to get back in touch w/ old friends. I tell you, I am glad our sons are in high school in India; their experiences w/ friends (both genders) is largely tinged with innocence and good fun and healthy laughter. Scott reminds me that a relationship at this age in the U.S. can get predominantly sexual, or involve alcohol, tobacco or drugs.

I'd better wind up. Hope all our U.S. friends and family had a happy Thanksgiving! The Banyan continues to reel under unexpected expenses. Do you want to help? http://www.thebanyan.org/.

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Report of 18 Nov '07

Hello from Chennai –

It is dark and the rains may yet come. A couple of days ago, the humidity was refreshingly and surprisingly low, and the day was gorgeous. Otherwise, Chennai is intensely humid and seems much hotter than it actually is.

Colleen and Mark Taber donated her old lap-top to me and I am loving it. Our old lap-top’s keys stick, which makes any work a challenge, and I like equipment that does what it’s supposed to. Same with people.

Scott is well, and returns to work tomorrow. As do I. In this intense concentration to get him well again, I was surprised to find that I had not given much thought to the Banyan. The 5 weeks away from there were probably a disruption to them, too, but kind souls that they are, they coped. Scott’s workplace was a bit different – I assume the frequent emails manifest concern somewhere, but it was also concern for the workload, I think. During residency training, it was unobtrusively and unspokenly made clear to us that should we take time off, someone else was going to bear our workload. Thusly, time off during months that we took care of the wards or ICU was strictly scheduled and adhered to, and I appreciated not having to cover for someone else unnecessarily.

I’ve had 1 or 2 patients here – our cook and maid, few others. The cook was reeling from backache; she works at 3 houses to make money and is on her feet for 5 hours at a stretch daily. She is also a tad overweight. I felt the incessant standing caused the pain and said so. On my first day of work in the cafeteria at the University of Dayton, I went to my dorm room after my 3-hour shift of washing dishes and fell straight asleep – it was that exhausting to stand the entire time and work. So I told our cook this, and she stated yesterday that on her 2 days off last week for Diwali, she did not have any pain at all. It’s pretty nice when one’s diagnosis is founded. The poor lady’s husband is apparently looking elsewhere for intimacy and she stated to me that this was fine with her, as she did not love him anyway and did not want to be bothered with the issue. Pragmatism rules, I imagine; easy for us to say “Dump the louse” but he is her husband and father of her children, and she has more than just her pride to think about at this time.

Tutoring is back! Our impoverished kids showed up, all having moved to the next grade, and because we requested the apartment Security to let them in. We did math and English, and then Scott taught the kids chess. They have taken to it easily, and Scott is always mighty thrilled that chess tournaments feature on the sports page here. The children are overcoming staggering odds to stay in school and spend the 1 hour with us happily. We gave them bubble solutions that Andrea brought, and jelly beans that Olivia sent, and all were happy – most especially us, because it is nice to give an unexpected treat to a child who is used to very, very little.

We spent the day at an event organized by Global Adjustments, a hugely successful firm which helps expats get used to Indian life. Scott and I have wanted to start a business to help prepare Indian professionals and others who go to the U.S. (you know, “Use deodorant, don’t cut in line, be on time” kind of advising), and asked the CEO (who is Indian) for ideas. Visiting Americans helped her set up the business 12 years ago, and have helped her tremendously, and I thought – in the true spirit of the American heart - that she would be happy to pass on the favor. Such an optimist. She stated that she would encourage a partnership, not anything else. I tell you, I’ve hung out in the NGO (non-Government organization, non-profit) world for too long, and this was an eye-opener: many people out in the world are usually in life for themselves, regardless of how successful and wealthy they are. I was rocked to my core, but good that I learnt this lesson at the start of our business planning. Scott states that this conversation did not surprise him at all, proving who is the bigger realist among the 2 of us.
All entrepreneurs out there, please do email us your life’s lessons well-learned.

“Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.” – Gore Vidal

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Report of 11 Nov '07

Hello from Chennai –

Everyone is busy at their books. Happy Diwali to you 3 days late. The festival is marked by getting up early, hair wash, new clothes, going down to light fireworks and distributing sweets to “near and dear,” a uniquely Indian expression. Naren and Navin made our sweets this year, as always, and my mother states that my job is made much easier due to this. Indeed. All of us got up early and Navin and I went down to do the fireworks, and then the boys distributed the sweets. We watched movies the rest of the day, and it was fun, fun, fun. We tend to stay w/ old favorites, and watched “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” and “The Untouchables.” A friend has lent us “The English Patient,” and Scott and I watched it over 2 days; it was bearable then, but I still cannot spell “Adultery” as r-o-m-a-n-c-e. That movie still epitomises boredom to me.

Scott is healing and starting to think of work. I tell you, our bodies do tell us when it’s time to slow down. When I was frenetically busy at St. Antony’s Hospital 3 years ago, I fell and fractured my foot and tailbone, and must confess to having enjoyed the time off. It’s similar with Scott, whose schedule had been pretty exhausting. We will visit the surgeon in 2 days; now I know what it’s like to have a doctor one trusts implicitly. Health is such an intimate issue that one can’t trust it to just anyone. We are lucky to have found good doctors, and a fine surgeon, at Sundaram Medical Foundation, where they also see our Banyan patients for free.

We took a quick trip to Ahmedabad in Gujarat state as this was Naren’s only available holiday time this year and I like the family to see all the treasures in our own backyard. (The rest of Naren’s school holidays are spent taking trips as a class and seeing socially conscious projects like a leprosy colony founded by Baba Amte, and investigating child labor in Kancheepuram – we like this agenda.) Mahatma Gandhi spent some years in Ahmedabad, setting up an ashram, which remains to this day and which we saw. There are also some magnificent mosques there, lasting from the 1400’s and 1500’s, and I was in some awe. So many treasures in our land, such an ancient civilization. Why do we assume the folks of yore were of substandard intellect by admiring their creations so much? Is it that these creations have lingered? Is it that these accomplishments were advanced for that time and now? It was, all told, most enthralling to touch a pillar or a latticed wall and know that a woman might have done the same thing 500 years ago.

We were totally delighted to see that Mr. Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs took less than his maximum permissible fee of $50 million for a contract renewal, settling for less and leaving the balance money for the management to be able to attract some new players. This is a team player, ladies and gents, and a person worth emulating. The Scott Weiss family members are on different sides during most sporting events, except when the Spurs are playing - and then, we root as 1.

The Banyan is in dire straits w/ the monsoon having wreaked havoc on our new buildings. Should you feel the need to help, please see http://www.thebanyan.org/, and please forward this request to all those who might be interested. Thank you.

“When a person tells you, ‘I’ll think it over and let you know’ - you know.” Olin Miller

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Report of 5 Nov '07

Hello from Chennai –

It is 3 days away from Diwali – our national festival of lights. Scott is lying on the couch reading “Shantaram” and recovering from his surgery. His weight gain remains a challenge: we have plied the man with meat, which we don’t normally eat much of, and butter and sweets, and nary a gram has climbed on. I checked his thyroid function, which if awry can cause weight loss, and it’s fine. The surgeon is pleased with his healing, and states it will be 2 more weeks until Scott is well enough to embark anywhere near the workplace. I am in awe at the healing: the wound was a gaping hole 4 inches long, 3 inches wide and 1-1/2 inches deep, and in 3 weeks, it has filled up, leaving a surface wound about 1 inch long and ½ inch wide, not deep at all. The body’s tendency is certainly to repair itself and maintain status quo – “homeostasis” (a tendency to stability in the normal physiological states of the organism – says my medical dictionary). It is this awe, I think, that causes me not to bear violence in movies any more. I used to not mind it, in fact “The Untouchables” was a favorite before Mr. Costner embarked on his 3+ hour, self-glorification projects, but now I simply cannot watch someone willfully inflicting damage on another body. My whole being fairly screams, “Yo, that’s a magnificent invention you’re deliberately messing up! Do you know how much it would take to undo what you did?”

So, my entire medical practice is now home-based. It is nice to have this time, and it has caused us to salivate for retired life. We read all day, watch a movie or 2, discuss what we have read, eat, generally have mighty relaxation. Then the boys get home . Actually, both boys have reveled in having their father around. Naren continues to test the limits of parental geniality, pushing and pushing until he gets a rise out of us (he does not have to go very far, really), and then does a turn-around and sits and watches movies with us, laughing at what we laugh at, enjoying what we enjoy, liking the movies we like. “Fargo” was a recent gem, and though violent, all 4 of us wallowed enjoyably in Frances McDormand’s magnificent award-winning performance and William H. Macy’s brilliant handling of his character. Navin has carefully watched his brother’s hormones rage, and has decided to play his teenage years differently, causing us heartburn over his handwriting and apathy at school – instead of the issues Naren has raised.

Tutoring is at a lull. There was a burglary in the complex, ostensibly the hired help did it, and now security is tightened. So the children’s bags are checked on entry and exit, they have been frightened and humiliated, and will not come. It is going to take a little pulling after Diwali to attract them again. The tutoring effort paid off richly this year when all the students passed their exams. As I’ve said often, I don’t know what we do, but it appears to be working.

One of my correspondents recently stated that it must be tempting to consider defaulting on my student loans. Though it was an option suggested by one of the senior physicians during training, surprising me greatly, the thought has not occurred to me. Someone trusted me enough to lend me the bucks to follow a dream, and it is in everyone’s best interests for me to repay the loan: the money was never mine to keep, was it now.

“Retirement means twice as much husband and half as much money.” – Anon

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