Report of 23 Feb 2011
And a year has gone by -
A year of altered dynamics, of memories, of trying to get used to life without my mother. We brace for parents' passing, I think, but sometimes an odd trigger sets off sadness. We observed my mother's anniversary yesterday, and gave away sarees and flowers (by local Hindu custom) to 7 impoverished married women - the complex's employess. It is considered a mark of grand good fortune to my mother that she died as a married woman, i.e., not as a widow, and so, 7 women (the number can be a manageable odd number) come and receive some gifts from us and it is to represent my mother coming, and leaving happy and satisfied. Personally, the 3 Weiss men and I also wanted to honor a widowed employee, but our cook - running the show as none of us knew the rites - would have none of it. Widows are treated very poorly, unfortunately, in many parts of my beautiful country and are not welcome at auspicious occasions such as weddings, naming ceremonies of newborns, etc. - very cruel.
My father was in town on Sunday, for us to face the period with togetherness. Susan, my sister-in-law, also came up from Bangalore and that was nice; her presence was fun and therapeutic. A dear friend of ours named Vijaya told me some shlokas (Sanskrit verses) appropriate for the occasion, and I read them out at my mother's photo, of course ended up bawling along with my father (Susan quickly came over and put her arm around me), and then we ate lunch. Yesterday, my mother's favorite foods were made, and at least one of them was a Western dish - stew; my mother was a big fan of Western food and relished steak and fine meats when she visited us in the U.S. - a bit atypical for a Hindu. Yesterday, all of us made the food together, and Naren did the bulk of the cooking with some supervision, Navin made a big salad. That was nice; my mother would have enjoyed all of that.
The Banyan has been good, and I continue to field issues on the phone. I can't currently focus on our perenially underfunded state, but I will do that soon enough.
Navin and I were driving to pick up Scott one day and noticed a crowd at one point. We stopped and went to check, and noticed that a young boy had jumped off a bus and fractured his leg. Our country is so overpopulated that public transport is crowded during peak hours, and it is not at all uncommon to see people hanging off the stairwells of buses, holding on to window bars. This school student had been one of those and had either jumped or fallen. We stopped to render aid, an ambulance was called, and as always, there was a heap of people, including some young men living nearby, who were available to assist me; as I took a dirty rag off a bleeding foot wound and asked about a clean piece of cloth, the young men quickly produced a clean shirt and asked me to tear it. I hesitated, as it was a good shirt, but one of the guys tore it and produced a clean rag for me to bandage the foot. We rendered basic aid, waited for the ambulance, and I told the patient that people had died while travelling on and falling/jumping off "footboards" - the bus stairwells - and for the patient to please not do it again. This morning, Navin and I saw some school kids (not necessarily my patient's group) dangling off the sides of buses, and I groaned.
There have been no movies, etc., as all of us hunker down for the board exams - theory papers start on Monday, 28 Feb. This endeavor truly calls for the whole family to be involved, and no one blinks when parents take leave from work for it. Scott and I managed to get to the beach yesterday - waiting for Navin to finish being tutored! - and that was extremely nice.
Unw -
R
A year of altered dynamics, of memories, of trying to get used to life without my mother. We brace for parents' passing, I think, but sometimes an odd trigger sets off sadness. We observed my mother's anniversary yesterday, and gave away sarees and flowers (by local Hindu custom) to 7 impoverished married women - the complex's employess. It is considered a mark of grand good fortune to my mother that she died as a married woman, i.e., not as a widow, and so, 7 women (the number can be a manageable odd number) come and receive some gifts from us and it is to represent my mother coming, and leaving happy and satisfied. Personally, the 3 Weiss men and I also wanted to honor a widowed employee, but our cook - running the show as none of us knew the rites - would have none of it. Widows are treated very poorly, unfortunately, in many parts of my beautiful country and are not welcome at auspicious occasions such as weddings, naming ceremonies of newborns, etc. - very cruel.
My father was in town on Sunday, for us to face the period with togetherness. Susan, my sister-in-law, also came up from Bangalore and that was nice; her presence was fun and therapeutic. A dear friend of ours named Vijaya told me some shlokas (Sanskrit verses) appropriate for the occasion, and I read them out at my mother's photo, of course ended up bawling along with my father (Susan quickly came over and put her arm around me), and then we ate lunch. Yesterday, my mother's favorite foods were made, and at least one of them was a Western dish - stew; my mother was a big fan of Western food and relished steak and fine meats when she visited us in the U.S. - a bit atypical for a Hindu. Yesterday, all of us made the food together, and Naren did the bulk of the cooking with some supervision, Navin made a big salad. That was nice; my mother would have enjoyed all of that.
The Banyan has been good, and I continue to field issues on the phone. I can't currently focus on our perenially underfunded state, but I will do that soon enough.
Navin and I were driving to pick up Scott one day and noticed a crowd at one point. We stopped and went to check, and noticed that a young boy had jumped off a bus and fractured his leg. Our country is so overpopulated that public transport is crowded during peak hours, and it is not at all uncommon to see people hanging off the stairwells of buses, holding on to window bars. This school student had been one of those and had either jumped or fallen. We stopped to render aid, an ambulance was called, and as always, there was a heap of people, including some young men living nearby, who were available to assist me; as I took a dirty rag off a bleeding foot wound and asked about a clean piece of cloth, the young men quickly produced a clean shirt and asked me to tear it. I hesitated, as it was a good shirt, but one of the guys tore it and produced a clean rag for me to bandage the foot. We rendered basic aid, waited for the ambulance, and I told the patient that people had died while travelling on and falling/jumping off "footboards" - the bus stairwells - and for the patient to please not do it again. This morning, Navin and I saw some school kids (not necessarily my patient's group) dangling off the sides of buses, and I groaned.
There have been no movies, etc., as all of us hunker down for the board exams - theory papers start on Monday, 28 Feb. This endeavor truly calls for the whole family to be involved, and no one blinks when parents take leave from work for it. Scott and I managed to get to the beach yesterday - waiting for Navin to finish being tutored! - and that was extremely nice.
Unw -
R
posted by Renu Weiss at
12:46 AM
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