Report of 21 Aug '05
Hello from Chennai -
We are well, there is a vat of food in the fridge thanks to our cook, so Sunday is left free to email and catch up on other things. Like our sons' academics during this exam week - they have taken to visiting the bathroom rather frequently, as that is about the only valid excuse they have for taking an unscheduled break. Naren, being grounded, could not join us for our Sat movie in the living room, which I felt horrible about; it was a Jackie Chan flick, a great favorite in our house, and when I went to get him from his studies to watch the bloopers w/ us, I found him reading fiction. He was roundly spanked, which I detest also (as I believe he is past the age of efficacy), but he has lost every privilege known to him and I have to resort to other means, esp as Scott has returned to Bangalore and is not here this weekend. My mother asked if Naren is interested in girls; yes, he is - Katie Holmes is a favorite and Naren wants to hear nothing of her engagement to Tom Cruise (there's more than one of us in that boat). There are likely other interests, w/ XX chromosomes, closer to home, but regretfully, Naren's phone and Internet privileges are gone. Navin is rather enjoying this time, I think - nothing like a sib being in deep doo-doo.
Perhaps there is a really valid reason for my going part-time - not just the total lack of funding, but to keep an eye on the kids! We had lunch w/ my aunt and uncle last week, and they mentioned going through this w/ their daughter - my aunt said she'd thought girls were much easier to raise but changed her mind as her daughter hit the teen years w/ a vengeance. They said kids' teenage years meant sacrifice on the part of the parents, in India - a country where academic success predicts professional. While I am distractedly tempted to let Naren go and see if he will use his considerable intellect and common sense well (really, why would he, he's shown no sign up until now), I remember my friend David in the U.S. telling me not to back off. I was discussing the whole issue w/ my parents today (I tell you, lovely to be in the same hemisphere as them) and my father chuckled and told me about my younger brother's teacher shouting at my Dad for the perceived lack of discipline at home. It is similar w/ Scott; while no one has shouted at him, lots of teachers have wondered about home events in the 2 months prior to my return. This appears to make Naren feel bad, but nowhere close to what Scott is feeling.
I resumed at the Banyan last week. The car was sent for me right on time - the Banyan makes few mistakes. (To see what we do - www.thebanyan.org; if you feel you'd like to donate to the Banyan, the cash is always welcome.) Most folks sit in the back seat when a professional driver is driving, kind of a class issue; not for me, I sit up front and gab w/ the driver when I feel like it. (The driver for the other orgn I worked for, Udavum Karangal, has worked in Saudi Arabia and he spoke of watching public beheadings and the element of fear that always ran through him when he lived there; that Saudi citizens appeared to recognise a Hindu when they saw one and rotten eggs and tomatoes would come flying out of nowhere and hit him in the face. It does not appear to be a fun place to live.) Our capable and beautiful medical assistant, Lakshmi, has left to complete her studies. While I sorely miss her, I am delighted at her goal. I was again offered b'fast by one of the patients as soon as I walked in, which unfailingly warms my heart. There have been some patient changes at the Banyan; an older lady who was confined to bed has died, as has the patient who never spoke but who understood us well. We have no resources to find out why the latter died; I always think of how relieved I am that these folks died in comfortable surroundings at the Banyan, w/ folks who took care of them and cherished them. It is a markedly better fate than that which befalls many mentally ill, destitute women here - violence, rape, sometimes a most horrible lonely death.
Hospice - that's the goal. And when I think of whether it can be achieved, I feel it will be, tho' it appears remote now. Scott has been unwavering in that belief - awesome to have a spouse who knows one's innermost desires and supports them.
Tutoring continues. The kids come happily, as do the tutors. This week, the concluding treat was jelly beans, a uniquely American sweet, donated by our friend Olivia. I often wonder why the kids come - after all, we are just extending school here, w/ teaching and ensuring the kids learn. I battled a virus this week and cut short the session by 15 minutes, letting the kids color a little longer instead of doing lessons. Serendipitously, it worked out very well, as the kids enjoyed the longer session w/ the bright markers and tons of crayons donated by our friend Kurt. I may do this again next week.
Would those of you who have adolescent children or have survived the phase please email me w/ your words of wisdom? Thanks. Pls consider that a plea. A friend told me to focus on Naren's strengths and when he and I talked, I wrote down the good things about him that his teachers have said from preschool days and stuck it on his door. "Warm fuzzies work," said the friend - let's see.
"The only people who seem to have nothing to do with the education of the children are the parents." - G. K. Chesterton
Until next week -
Renu
We are well, there is a vat of food in the fridge thanks to our cook, so Sunday is left free to email and catch up on other things. Like our sons' academics during this exam week - they have taken to visiting the bathroom rather frequently, as that is about the only valid excuse they have for taking an unscheduled break. Naren, being grounded, could not join us for our Sat movie in the living room, which I felt horrible about; it was a Jackie Chan flick, a great favorite in our house, and when I went to get him from his studies to watch the bloopers w/ us, I found him reading fiction. He was roundly spanked, which I detest also (as I believe he is past the age of efficacy), but he has lost every privilege known to him and I have to resort to other means, esp as Scott has returned to Bangalore and is not here this weekend. My mother asked if Naren is interested in girls; yes, he is - Katie Holmes is a favorite and Naren wants to hear nothing of her engagement to Tom Cruise (there's more than one of us in that boat). There are likely other interests, w/ XX chromosomes, closer to home, but regretfully, Naren's phone and Internet privileges are gone. Navin is rather enjoying this time, I think - nothing like a sib being in deep doo-doo.
Perhaps there is a really valid reason for my going part-time - not just the total lack of funding, but to keep an eye on the kids! We had lunch w/ my aunt and uncle last week, and they mentioned going through this w/ their daughter - my aunt said she'd thought girls were much easier to raise but changed her mind as her daughter hit the teen years w/ a vengeance. They said kids' teenage years meant sacrifice on the part of the parents, in India - a country where academic success predicts professional. While I am distractedly tempted to let Naren go and see if he will use his considerable intellect and common sense well (really, why would he, he's shown no sign up until now), I remember my friend David in the U.S. telling me not to back off. I was discussing the whole issue w/ my parents today (I tell you, lovely to be in the same hemisphere as them) and my father chuckled and told me about my younger brother's teacher shouting at my Dad for the perceived lack of discipline at home. It is similar w/ Scott; while no one has shouted at him, lots of teachers have wondered about home events in the 2 months prior to my return. This appears to make Naren feel bad, but nowhere close to what Scott is feeling.
I resumed at the Banyan last week. The car was sent for me right on time - the Banyan makes few mistakes. (To see what we do - www.thebanyan.org; if you feel you'd like to donate to the Banyan, the cash is always welcome.) Most folks sit in the back seat when a professional driver is driving, kind of a class issue; not for me, I sit up front and gab w/ the driver when I feel like it. (The driver for the other orgn I worked for, Udavum Karangal, has worked in Saudi Arabia and he spoke of watching public beheadings and the element of fear that always ran through him when he lived there; that Saudi citizens appeared to recognise a Hindu when they saw one and rotten eggs and tomatoes would come flying out of nowhere and hit him in the face. It does not appear to be a fun place to live.) Our capable and beautiful medical assistant, Lakshmi, has left to complete her studies. While I sorely miss her, I am delighted at her goal. I was again offered b'fast by one of the patients as soon as I walked in, which unfailingly warms my heart. There have been some patient changes at the Banyan; an older lady who was confined to bed has died, as has the patient who never spoke but who understood us well. We have no resources to find out why the latter died; I always think of how relieved I am that these folks died in comfortable surroundings at the Banyan, w/ folks who took care of them and cherished them. It is a markedly better fate than that which befalls many mentally ill, destitute women here - violence, rape, sometimes a most horrible lonely death.
Hospice - that's the goal. And when I think of whether it can be achieved, I feel it will be, tho' it appears remote now. Scott has been unwavering in that belief - awesome to have a spouse who knows one's innermost desires and supports them.
Tutoring continues. The kids come happily, as do the tutors. This week, the concluding treat was jelly beans, a uniquely American sweet, donated by our friend Olivia. I often wonder why the kids come - after all, we are just extending school here, w/ teaching and ensuring the kids learn. I battled a virus this week and cut short the session by 15 minutes, letting the kids color a little longer instead of doing lessons. Serendipitously, it worked out very well, as the kids enjoyed the longer session w/ the bright markers and tons of crayons donated by our friend Kurt. I may do this again next week.
Would those of you who have adolescent children or have survived the phase please email me w/ your words of wisdom? Thanks. Pls consider that a plea. A friend told me to focus on Naren's strengths and when he and I talked, I wrote down the good things about him that his teachers have said from preschool days and stuck it on his door. "Warm fuzzies work," said the friend - let's see.
"The only people who seem to have nothing to do with the education of the children are the parents." - G. K. Chesterton
Until next week -
Renu
posted by Renu Weiss at
8:22 PM
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